Sexy Fish: 'I’ve found my perfect plaice'

Grace Dent dives in with the celebrities at Sexy Fish
Cod do no batter: Sexy Fish is full of glamorous ornaments – and glamorous people, too
Grace Dent31 January 2018

First of all, obviously, we must address the name. Sexy Fish. I remember distinctly the first time I heard it fall from the lips of someone so closely involved they were en route to source the aquarium for the interior. ‘And we’re calling it... Sexy Fish,’ they said. ‘Excuse me?’ I said, fudging my shock with solid humour. ‘Did you say Sexy Fish, or am I a little hard of herring?’

Thankfully, with silly names I’m a pro. I’ve hung around media London long enough. Several of my friends’ children have Christian names that are common nouns or examples of onomatopoeia. No one, it stands to reason, forgets a baby called Bang, Buzz or Thump, in the same way no one has overlooked the news that Caprice Holdings (owner of The Ivy, Le Caprice, J Sheekey) has given birth to a cavernous, opulent, 190-cover, Damien Hirst-titivated, aquatic-themed robata and raw fish Berkeley Square restaurant and called it Sexy Fish.

And the more discombobulated I’ve watched London foodies become at the raffishness of Sexy Fish, the more I’ve admired Richard Caring of Caprice Holdings for his clear intention to pee all over Chiltern’s Firehouse’s flames. You may have noticed your lack of invite to Sexy Fish’s chic, exclusive opening party at which Rita Ora, clad in a mermaid-style frock, treated a celebrity crowd to a medley of her hits. Perhaps you didn’t receive a pretty, silver, mega-exclusive Sexy Fish keyring, as Anna Wintour, Tracey Emin and David Walliams did? Perhaps you feel a tad put out? You’re not alone. In fact, by the time I popped by Sexy Fish last week for Brussels sprouts tempura and smoked Japanese sausages, everyone I knew had an opinion on this restaurant without so much as clapping eyes on its handsome, beret-clad doormen.

Yes, Brussels sprouts tempura. Sprinkled with curry salt, no less. It’s as adventurous as it sounds. I absolutely adore Brussels sprouts and am heavily pro anything in batter, but even I had to ration myself to three highly fibrous anti-social sprouts from a portion of around 15. Joan Collins had just arrived at a nearby table looking utterly majestic and a chiselled Ronan Keating stood by the bar, looking like a man who hasn’t touched a refined carb or an alcohol unit since last Christmas; I just couldn’t risk it. The hulking, meaty prawn tempura with its dashi broth for dipping was exquisite. The Sexy Fish sushi roll with salmon and yellowtail was gorgeously fresh and colourful, but the tuna belly tartare with soy-cured egg yolk and lotus chips was simply odd. I avoided the raw bar, but oyster junkies please be reassured that Dungarvan, Papillon de Claire and Native oysters are on offer.

Latest restaurant reviews

1/128

The cocktails are sensational. Try one or more Kalamasutra Martinis — it’s that sort of restaurant. I arrived home with numerous cryptic notes and Eastern philosophical statements, which had arrived attached to various drinks. I’ve seen this type of boozy theatre before, but Sexy Fish pulls it off perfectly.

The miso glazed sea bass was Nobu-level delicious, but impossible to tackle with chopsticks. Chicken wings and tiny smoked Japanese sausages appeared on skewers. I’ve never before been presented with a wing on a skewer — this was verily an evening of firsts. I cannot pretend that everything on the Sexy Fish menu swims for me, but I’d still go back in an instant as it’s so utterly brimming with lagoon-style largesse I’d feel ashamed not to. I couldn’t stay for pudding, which upset the staff so they sent me home with some raspberry-scented chocolate fake fishtank pebbles on a bed of sugar sand in a fish-shaped box. I am all about OTT London nightlife and in Sexy Fish I’ve found my perfect plaice.

Sexy Fish

1 Sexy Fish roll £14

1 prawn tempura £14

1 Brussels sprouts tempura £4

1 wok noodles £7.50

1 chicken wings £4.50

1 Japanese sausages £4

1 miso sea bass £30

1 tuna tartare £16.25

Cocktails £24

Total £118.25

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