The Cheese Bar, Camden: If the single ingredient thing is gimmicky, this restaurant is anything but

Once they stop treating service as a sprint, this surprisingly thoughtful new opening will be one of the finest places in London for a beer and a bite, says David Ellis
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David Ellis @dvh_ellis12 December 2017

Charles de Gaulle would have advised owner Matthew Carver against opening this place.

In 1962, the Frenchman famously asked “how can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?” – 2017’s answer: you don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps – and I like to think the old boy, were he still around, would have greeted the news of a London restaurant dedicated to the stuff with some eye-rolls and a bit of a rant. ‘"Quels imbéciles!" he’d Tweet, "What is this merde?!"

You see the point. Who could run a restaurant built on nothing but curds and whey? And why? Reeks of publicity-mongering: man serving toasties from 70s ice-cream truck opens new joint in Camden Market. Business plan: shove a few Instagram-friendly plates out, have a laugh, close within a year.

I’m here to tell you it’s not as cheesy as all that. It’s not cheesy at all, really, aside from the obvious. It’s largely bloody marvellous, even if you’re not obsessed with the stuff: they’re serving up proper food, not just a fad.

It’s not been done on the cheap, either. A marble bar surrounded by seats dominates in a bare-brick space, old school hip hop and funk (R & Brie?) plays on the stereo, and a glossary of suppliers and their produce lights up the back wall. There are no toothpicks and pineapple chunks lurking. They’ve resisted all puns. Nothing is yellow. If the single ingredient thing is gimmicky, the restaurant is anything but.

The menu pays testament to Carver’s imagination and palate. Winningly, there is a great deal of variety: this Camden spot is worth more than a one-time novelty swing by. Unlike his other place, Archie’s Bar in Deptford, The Cheese Bar has moved on from toasties. There are some – the Rosary Goats’ cheese, honey, walnut and rosemary butter was sweet and moreish, if a little disappointingly neat and tidy – but the best of the menu is dedicated to more ingenious plates.

'The Red Leicester ‘crisps’, fried shavings of cheese, should be legally mandated bar snacks'

Wear old clothes and ignore the napkins at your peril: this is messy food to rejoice in. The best bits are invitingly sticky and gooey and runny and have no subtlety at all: the truffled Baron Bigod (a Suffolk brie) with pickled walnuts is a great hit of the truffle’s muskiness stacked against the bite of the walnut. You’ll want more: truffles are, after all, sulphuric cocaine.

Old favourites: toasties are on the menu, but they aren't the focus

The Young Buck raclette with potatoes and salt beef is a monster, so heavy it lands in the stomach with a pleasing thud, so comforting you’re all warm afterwards. The Red Leicester ‘crisps’, fried shavings of cheese, should be legally mandated bar snacks across the EU. Even the blue cheese ice cream, for pudding, works: one to convert sceptics, the blue cheese tasting more like cherry to start, then hitting with a great punch at the end. Weird, but weirdly intriguing.

Less good are the more obvious dishes: everyone (every. single. person.) had the Mozzarella sticks. This demand may have accounted for their being stiff and overcooked and entirely bland. Likewise, the fondue with smoked sausage was far too salty, the fondue doing nothing to temper the sausage. These will no doubt be adjusted in time.

London's best cheese toasties - in pictures

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The real problem was the service. Specifically, the speed of it: ‘dishes will come when they’re ready’ said our delightful waiter, ‘Though we usually try to go from lightest dish to heaviest.’

'I have never before felt someone in the kitchen was personally trying to kill me, but whoever was rushing through orders clearly had an agenda: plates arrived from the kitchen to the table the same way Oddjob’s bowler hits a hatstand'

Fine, I thought, it’ll be a little slow tonight. No worries. Christ almighty was I wrong: we arrived at 7.30pm and by 8.10pm had consumed five dishes and a toastie. I have never before felt someone in the kitchen was personally trying to kill me, but whoever was rushing through orders clearly had an agenda: plates arrived from the kitchen to the table the same way Oddjob’s bowler hits a hatstand. My taste buds were disorientated, drowned, gasping their last. My stomach was threatening a dairy-heavy remake of Alien. An hour later, I was in bed, exhausted, too full, passing out.

Perhaps it was early-days nerves. The place floods with customers each night: stressful probably doesn’t even cover it. Still, once the Cheese Bar settles in, and the kitchen stops treating service as a sprint, it’ll be one of the best places in London for a beer and a quick bite to eat.

Big ideas: the restaurant takes an imaginative approach to cheese

The drinks list is short – wine is currently just the choice of red or white, in sympathy for the staff who already have to learn oodles about cheese – but they’ve first rate choices elsewhere: the Burning Sky Saison L’Hiver is a fantastic beer, and they’ve sourced offerings from Kernell and Pilton as well.

At the heart of the Cheese Bar is – no, not dangerously clogged arteries – a passion for good products. Everything is as local as it can be, and all from the UK. There’s attention given to everything, right down to the water (happily, they support Belu, who help fund Water Aid). That’s why it’s so good: they’ve done more than they need to. People talk about cheese with the same dreamy look that John Travolta gets when he’s asked about Scientology and this place could have probably just set up picnic tables with Iceland cheddar and corner shop Merlot and it would’ve been a hit. Full credit, then, that they didn’t. Love at first sight? Not quite, but I certainly melted a little.

The Cheese Bar: The Low Down

Final flavour: Pick a cheese. Imagine that flavour. Done.

At what cost? All courses £6 – 9. Beer £5 – 6, wine £5 a glass, £19 a bottle

Visit if you like: er… Cheese.

Find it: Unit 93, 94 Camden Stables, NW1 8AP, thecheesebar.com

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