'Don't worry dad, I'll be home in a month' - final email of soldier Sarah

13 April 2012

Barely 48 hours have passed since Des Feely was woken in the middle of the night by the knock on the door that every service parent dreads.


Even before he opened it and saw the Army officer who had come to tell him that his daughter had been killed in Afghanistan, he feared the worst.

Grief is paralysing. And the news that his only child, beautiful, bright, bubbly Sarah, had been killed by a roadside bomb in Helmand Province has left her 55-year-old father reeling in devastation.

Champagne moment: Sarah with Carl Bryant on their wedding day two years ago - a day which her father now describes as impossible to think about

Champagne moment: Sarah with Carl Bryant on their wedding day two years ago - a day which her father now describes as impossible to think about

His shock is compounded when he recalls her poignant final email to him - her fateful assurance that she would return.

He falters, then reads it out once more: 'Don't worry, Dad. I have the best bodyguards a girl could have.

'I'll be home in a month and I can't wait to see you. Tee hee, your little girl is now a sergeant. Wait till I show you my stripes!'

His instinct since receiving that 1am visit to his country cottage in Cotehill near Carlisle has been to shut himself away with memories of his daughter.

He keeps his favourite photograph of Sarah, stunning in white on her wedding day, by his side.

But he also believes he owes it to his daughter to speak out. It is his  duty  -  as much as walking Sarah down the aisle two years ago was also his duty.

'I walked her down the aisle and I'll be there to meet my daughter's coffin when it arrives at RAF Brize Norton,' he says, pride momentarily steadying his shaking voice.

'I want everyone to know what a vibrant, beautiful girl my daughter was and how immensely proud she was to be part of the British Army.'

Des Feely, holding up a picture of his daughter on her wedding day, says he feels no anger about her death, just immense pride

Des Feely, holding up a picture of his daughter on her wedding day, says he feels no anger about her death, just immense pride

He wants to get his words right, to pay tribute as best he can to the daughter he clearly adored.

Occasionally, he pauses to correct a word, takes a deep breath and then carries on.

To the outside world, the death of Sarah Bryant, a female intelligence officer, is a stark, bloody reminder of the indiscriminate nature of the war being waged against British troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.


Sarah Bryant aged 14 withe her horse Monty

Sarah Bryant aged 14 withe her horse Monty

Des's thoughts are consumed by memories of the little girl he watched blossom into a beautiful, confident woman.

He is still finding it hard to take in the fact that his 'angel' is gone. His face is etched with disbelief. 'I'm still in shock,' he says.

'You can't take it in. I think I said to the officer who broke the news to me, "That's impossible. It can't have happened".'

And yet he is determined not to be angry.

'Not angry, no,' he says simply. 'Sarah knew the risks but she signed up anyway. The Army was her life. She was offered the chance to train as an officer at Sandhurst, but she said she'd rather work her way up through the ranks.

'She was one of the youngest people ever to be promoted to the rank of sergeant, and she was thrilled when she told me, two weeks ago. Her career was meteoric.

'People may question why we are in Afghanistan, but Sarah said to me there was a job to be done, a very real reason for our troops to be there.

'She was rigorously intellectual. She questioned everything, and knew what she was getting into.

'She talked to me often about the injustice of life for the people of Afghanistan under the Taliban regime and I know she was convinced that her decision to serve there was the right one. I am holding on to that now. It helps me put my mind at peace.'

Des, pictured with Sarah on her wedding day, says it is his duty to speak out about her - as much as walking Sarah down the aisle two years ago was also his duty

Des, pictured with Sarah on her wedding day, says it is his duty to speak out about her - as much as walking Sarah down the aisle two years ago was also his duty

From her teenage years, says Des, Sarah had her heart set on becoming a soldier.

The roots of her Army ambitions were sown as a 17-year-old when she watched Army manoeuvres at Carlisle Airport, where her father had the licensing concession at the time. He is now semi-retired.

Sarah Bryant was an only child to Des and Maureen and had always wanted a career in the British Army

Sarah Bryant was an only child to Des and Maureen and had always wanted a career in the British Army

Des recalls: 'She got chatting to the officers, and really impressed them with her liveliness and intelligence.

'She was invited to take part in an exercise as a civilian  -  she was " kidnapped" along with her mother in the middle of the night in a simulated hijack situation, and whisked away in a Hercules jet. She was so excited.

'It showed a 17-year- old girl the possibilities of life within the armed forces. Her uncle is a Lieutenant Commander in the Royal Navy and I think that helped inspire her.'

But right from the start, Sarah had a love of adventure and the outdoors. As a child, she liked nothing better than to go flying with her father, a qualified pilot. The pair spent precious hours soaring above the Cumbrian countryside.

She was equally happy down below, riding her beloved Dales Cob horse, Tyler, across the fields surrounding the family cottage.

Three years ago, a photo of Sarah's dog, Monty, sitting on top of her horse, appeared in several newspapers.

'She loved that,' Des says. 'Growing up, horses were her passion, and she owned Tyler for 11 years. She was a wonderful child and touched everyone she met. No one had a bad word to say about Sarah, she was so bubbly and positive. She truly was an angel.'

Des and his wife Maureen divorced two years ago. The couple grew apart and Maureen now lives with her new partner five miles from the home where Sarah grew up.

'But Sarah had an idyllic, happy childhood,' says Des, who now lives with his 93-year- old mother Mae.

Today the house is filled with grieving relatives who have rushed to his side.

Sarah Bryant and her father Des were very close and her desire for an army career had been triggered by watching Army manoeuvres at Carlisle Airport

Sarah Bryant and her father Des were very close and her desire for an army career had been triggered by watching Army manoeuvres at Carlisle Airport

'I have managed to build a wall around myself, and so many family and friends are here with me, supporting me, but I know that wall will crumble at some point,' he says.

He recalls how Sarah went into the Army after finishing her A-levels at Caldew School. The then 18-year-old joined as a private, but was soon promoted to Lance Corporal. Her life in the Army was one of infinite possibility.

'She used to say to me she couldn't believe the things she was doing,' Des smiles.

'She got to exercise her colonel's horses in Hyde Park, and at a professional level she could pick up the phone and speak to the Prime Minister if she wanted to.

'She had been working closely with both MI5 and MI6, and I know that they wanted to offer her a permanent career, but she preferred to remain in the military.'

As part of her training, Sarah had been learning the local Afghan language of Pashtu and had been working on a secret counter-terrorism mission in an operation supported by the Afghan police.

Her work included monitoring Taliban phone calls and walkie-talkie communications. Des says she was 'fascinated' by her career.

'It immersed her at so many levels, both intellectually and emotionally. On her last return trip from Iraq she flew the Hercules in the middle of the night for three hours,' he says. '

That was Sarah. She'd have a go at anything. She had no fear.'

Sarah had been working on extremely complex projects with Muslim women and children, attempting to improve their lives in a country in which Des describes as '13th century in its attitudes'.

'They were treated like dogs,' he says. 'Sarah found it very emotionally challenging work, but very satisfying.'

Sarah, pictured in 1987, in her father's light aircraft at Carlisle Airport

Sarah, pictured in 1987, in her father's light aircraft at Carlisle Airport

Recently she had undergone training in 'psych-ops'  -  psychological operations  -  to attempt to understand the mindset of the Taliban-She loved the Army life,' Des continues.

'She was supremely fit, and loved all the physical training.

'I remember when David Beckham broke his toe, Sarah had done the same thing on a training exercise. But instead of resting it she was told, "Grab this rifle and you can be a simulated casualty".

'She loved the "can do" attitude, and the sheer professionalism of the British Army.'

She found love in the Army too, meeting her future husband Carl during training. They married in the family's local church in Wetheral near Cotehill, Sarah stunning in white, Carl resplendent in full military uniform.

'Now,' says Des, 'we might be holding her funeral in that church. It seems impossible.' 

Des is now waiting for the call which will inform him when Sarah's body will be flown home

Des is now waiting for the call which will inform him when Sarah's body will be flown home

Des says 26-year-old Carl, a member of special services currently living on a military base in Bedfordshire, was a perfect match for his feisty daughter.

They had been planning to start their own family and were hoping to buy their own house.

'She told me that she did want children, but she wanted to establish her career fully first. They had been living in Army accommodation, and of course they would be posted every six months or so to a different place.'

He has twice spoken to his son-in-law since being told of Sarah's death.

'He is being incredible  -  extremely stoical,' he says. 'I can only imagine what he is going through.'

This was Sarah's first posting to Afghanistan  -  and, tragically, the first time she had been posted away from her husband.

The couple had previously spent two six-month postings together in Iraq.

'It's ironic, really,' says Des. 'I never even worried about her when she was in Iraq. Of course I knew that it was dangerous, but she always went out of her way to reassure me that she was surrounded by consummate professionals.'

And at a time when he could be forgiven for feeling bitter, Des is resolute that he puts no blame on to the Army which had given his daughter such a glittering career.

'You know that one day it might be you who gets the knock on the door, but I just never thought it would happen to Sarah. Perhaps all the parents of soldiers killed say that.

'She was just so alive, I'd only spoken to her last week  -  it still seems impossible that such a young life should be cut short.'

Sarah was killed with three SAS officers as they travelled in a bulletproof Land Rover.

Doubts have been expressed about the safety of such vehicles, but Des says: 'There was nothing anyone could have done about the size of that bomb.'

He briefly allows the thought of his daughter's killers to enter his mind: 'The b*******', is all he can say.

Sarah loved her job and had written home regularly telling her family that she had a real belief in what she was doing

Sarah loved her job and had written home regularly telling her family that she had a real belief in what she was doing

There is something surreal about the mental anguish that Des is now suffering.

'Even as I am talking to you like this, part of me still cannot believe she has gone,' he says. 'It's just disbelief, total disbelief. One minute I had a wonderful, beautiful daughter, the next minute, she is gone, the first woman to be killed in Afghanistan. My Sarah, making the news for the worst of reasons.'

He is waiting for the call which will inform him when Sarah's body will be flown home, with full military honours, to RAF Brize Norton in Oxfordshire.

However, such are the number of family, friends, colleagues and well-wishers, there is talk now that the funeral may well be held in Carlisle Cathedral.

More than anything now, he wants his little girl back home.

Meeting that plane, when it comes, will be an unimaginably agonising task but Des is determined to do it with his head held high and be there for his daughter  -  as he has always been there for her.

'I will be so very proud of her,' he says. 'And I think that's what she would have wanted more than anything.'

'SO BRAVE...NOW SHE'S PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE'

Sarah Bryant's husband called her 'an awesome soldier who died doing the job she loved.'

Fellow Intelligence Officer Corporal Carl Bryant, 26, said: 'Although I am devastated beyond words at the death of my beautiful wife, I am so incredibly proud of her.

'My wife knew the risks, she was there because she wanted to be, and she wouldn't have had it any other way.'

Maureen Feely says her daughter Sarah was a soldier first and 'it's the life she loved and chose'

Maureen Feely says her daughter Sarah was a soldier first and 'it's the life she loved and chose'

Cpl Bryant's mother Maureen, 55, who is divorced from her father Des, said: 'I spoke to her last Sunday. Apart from the heat she was in really good form and enjoying everything she was doing.

'She was wonderful and she was so brave. If she was asked she would be there and would be the first in line. She just got on with things.

'Yes, she was a woman doing a difficult job, but she saw herself as equal to everybody else. She would never have shied away because she was a woman doing that job.

'She was a soldier first and it's the life she loved and chose. She gave it everything and she's paid the ultimate price for that. I'm so so proud of what she's achieved.'

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