This pro-cuts demo is only fit for creeps

12 April 2012

The usual format for a political protest is so simple that you rarely think to question it. A government does something rather annoying; people get annoyed; and the annoyed people take to the streets.

The TUC's March for the Alternative last month followed the format to a tee. Around 400,000 people were annoyed about the Government's reckless approach to cutting the national debt, and went on the streets to say so.

On May 14, London will see a march that subverts all that. It may even change street politics in this country for ever.

The Rally Against Debt will see a group comprising the novelty educator Toby Young (happy to take taxpayers' money to fund his "Free School"), the Taxpayers' Alliance and assorted UKIP types gathering in central London to demonstrate how much they approve of the Government's actions.

"What do we want? More of the same! When do we want it? Carry on as you are, it's great!" will be their rallying cry. Rarely outside of concerts given by thin-haired boogie-beat combos will we have heard such clamour for the status quo.

"Any visits to Fortnum & Mason by protesters will only be to marvel at their selection of quality goods," trills their website, wittily. "Trips to see Vodafone and other high-street chains will result in congratulations to the company for providing jobs and growth in the UK." Presumably the billions of pounds written off Vodafone's tax bill would be of no help in combating the national debt. But that's not really their point.

Their point is that while the Lefties protest in the name of "trendy" causes such as the slashing of disability allowance, the "quiet majority" are too shy to join in the fun. Whatever the aims of the organisers, the dream of cheerleaders for them such as Tory MEP Daniel Hannan seems to be a version of the American Tea Party movement and its energising of the nation's wackier fringe: last week Hannan demanded: "Where is the British Tea Party?"

There is a crucial difference here, though. While the Tea Party at least has a Democratic president to rally against, our own band of renegades live under a Right-wing government that repeatedly stresses the grave importance of our national debt, In fact, it's something of an obsession of ministers, to judge by their every announcement.

I can see Trafalgar Square resounding to cries of "You said it, Osborne!" White Bloc anarchists will prance up and down Whitehall crying "WHOSE STREETS? YOUR STREETS, SIRS!"

The quiet majority are generally the ones who get on with their lives, dealing with job losses, tax rises, doctors' waiting rooms and school runs with dignity. This lot are not them. They are simply a bunch of creeps.

Follow me on Twitter @richardjgodwin

A treat for deprived art lovers

Last week, the arts world cried "cultural vandalism!" as the extent of the Arts Council cuts was revealed. Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary, appeared impassive - but I fancied that he had something up his sleeve. He knew that soon the braying mob would be silenced not by words but by actions.

He had argued before that the arts should wean themselves from the teat of state funding and drink the milk of philanthropy. "Does that not leave us at the mercy of the whims of a few rich men?" it had been asked. Apparently not - and now we see the indubitable evidence: the statue of Michael Jackson outside Fulham Football Club.

At a cost of £100,000, borne by an Egyptian benefactor, London now has the most remarkable piece of public art it has seen in years. The faux-naif expression, the idealised complexion, the heroic stance! What tragic beauty there is in that glove alone. It is worth a hundred Kapoors, a thousand Gormleys - and it didn't cost any of us a penny.

Man flu? But I really do feel sorry for myself

I am currently as hoarse as a winded stallion, having caught a nasty throat infection at the march the other day (I blame those plastic bonfires - unless releasing a cold virus was a very subtle police brutality tactic?)

Naturally, I manfully made it to work and tried not to complain or exaggerate. Only when I absented myself from the pub on Saturday, there was little sympathy from my friends. "Everyone had a good laugh at your man flu," said my wife when she returned home.

Man flu indeed! How I loathe the term - even men are gleefully complicit in using it these days. Can we not be ill with dignity any more? Do women never play the martyr or trump up their symptoms? Do you sense that I protest just a little bit too much?

Rapper's delight in his new power

You have to admit, the timing is curious. On Friday, the Health Secretary Andrew Lansley is pushing ahead with the most wide-ranging NHS reforms in decades.

Over the weekend a tune by the Essex rapper MC NxtGen deriding Lansley as a "grey-haired manky codger" and telling him that the "NHS is not for sale" over an Animals sample goes viral on YouTube.

On Monday, the Prime Minister acknowledges that there are "genuine concerns" about the health policy and executes a remarkable U-turn. Thousands of sacked health workers learn that they may shortly be rehired.

Admittedly, the NxtGen tune has been around for a while - and one would hardly imagine that David Cameron would be given pause for thought by an internet rhymester. Even so, it will be interesting to see whether this represents a new dawn for the protest song.

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