Feast or famine? Two spa breaks go head to head

Annabel Rivkin and Rose Beer are rejuvenated by two heavenly yet very different spa breaks
The pool at l'Albereta

L’Albereta Hotel, Erbusco, Italy ​- by Annabel Rivkin

‘I have so much space and time,’ said no Londoner ever.

‘I feel a sea breeze coursing through my cells with cleanness,’ continued that mythical Londoner, never. That is why this grubby, claustrophobic, borderline out-of-control Londoner headed for Henri Chenot’s clinic at l’Albereta, an hour outside Milan. For a bit of peace, solace and in search of that clean, detoxed feeling. And — let’s not get too worthy — to drop a few pounds. Here’s the vulgar bit: eight pounds in six days.

Now that’s out of the way, here’s the how. Spa Espace Chenot is a centre of excellence when it comes to detox. It blends Western medicine with Chinese wisdom to clear blockages, re-energise cells and stimulate the body to eliminate accumulated toxins.

Detail of the lobby at L'Albereta Relais & Chateaux

Now I don’t know about you, but science bores me. Lazy and childish, perhaps, but someone starts explaining scientific methodology and a monkey starts clapping in my head. That’s why people like me need to detox in tried and trusted environments. I have a tendency to become institutionalised, put on a dressing gown and hand myself over unquestioningly to whichever authority I’m visiting.

It’s this floppiness that makes l’Albereta’s Espace Chenot ideal: it asks so little of you. No spiritual stuff (leave my chakras alone), no group activities (Londoner, remember): just a reassuringly consistent protocol and plenty of time to sleep, feel hungry and watch Netflix. I checked in to l’Albereta and out of life. That was the point.

“There’s plenty of time to sleep, feel hungry and watch Netflix. I checked in to Chenot and out of life. That was the point”

Annabel Rivkin

Every day begins with a hydrotherapy bath: many jets, powerful essential oils, hotter than Hades, profoundly relaxing and the first step to clean. This is also the first step in my institutionalisation, wearing, as you do, paper knickers that go saggy in water and a sweaty plastic shower cap. No room for dignity. You are merely a coddled inmate. Lovingly hauled from the tub by a vaguely nurse-y Italian lady, one is then painted with detoxifying hot clay, wrapped in plastic and left to marinate like a fish, ready for the oven. Once tenderised, you are shuffled to a rather sinister tiled room where, shivering in said baggy knickers and shower cap, you are hosed down. Particular attention is paid to bulgy bits. Later, a Chenot massage, a combination of cupping, rubbing and manipulation to light up the meridians; turbo-charge metabolism; support the organs. All of this. Every day. As a starting point.

Food is sparing, vegan and delicious. A 36-hour fast happens mid-stay, combined with ‘the powders’, a magnesium-based laxative. Between the nibbling, floating and rubbing are more medical appointments: a full profile of blood-tests and bio-energetic diagnostics to smoke out problems or even the hint of a compromised system. I came out vaguely on top, but with a chromium deficiency. I’ve been taking it ever since and am undoubtedly less tired and probably less forgetful. What was I saying? Oh yes, everything was bolstered by ‘Vital-Mix’ drips: solutions laced with potent antioxidants, vitamins and minerals to shore up the body’s defences.

Beyond that, it was plenty of sleep, a bit of Pilates, some strolls, a few headaches. And eight pounds in six days with minimal effort... In short, a massive relief.

Annabel was a guest of l’Albereta; rooms from £224. Seven-day Advanced Detox Henri Chenot Programme, £3,060 (albereta.it)

Les Sources de Caudalie, Martillac, France - By Rose Beer

I’ve never been very good at spa-ing. Presented with a sumptuous, well-scented treatment room, my mind begins to whir, not unwind. While others drift off, I want to leap up and grab my to-do list. Moronic, really, when you’re naked, face-down, having an expensive massage at an exclusive spa.

Les Sources hotel

But as a frazzled Londoner, I was desperate for a last-minute ‘out’. I set my alarm for 3.45am, hot-footed it to Gatwick and arrived at Les Sources de Caudalie hotel and spa in Bordeaux at 9am. This is the kind of efficiency I like, plus the buffet was in full flow, tables bowing under bacon, eggs, pastries, cheese and a pear-and-frangipane tart. No detoxes or fasts in sight. Things were looking up.

Set among the ancient vines of the 650-year-old Château Smith Haut Lafitte winery, there’s worthy focus on the wholesome (endless bikes, hikes, home-grown veg and responsibly sourced meat), but there’s no abstinence here. Food — and, of course, wine — is abundant, cooked up by two Michelin-starred chef Nicolas Masse at hotel restaurant La Grand’ Vigne, while La Table du Lavoir supplies delicious bistro-style fare and Rouge has all the oysters and pâté your tummy can bear. Sounds awful, doesn’t it? No one bans a glass of post-spa wine here.

“There’s no abstinence here. Food — and, of course, wine — is abundant”

Rose Beer

And oh, the spa! A glorious, lofty wooden building with a vineyard-facing pool and barrel-shaped hot tub outside. Inside, 20 treatment rooms, a sauna, steam room, hydrotherapy pool and endless ‘vinotherapists’ tending to your every need.

The spa at Les Sources

Caudalie is the pioneer of ‘vinotherapy’; products and treatments are based on grape seeds from the vineyard. These contain polyphenols, potent antioxidants that protect against ageing and preserve levels of skin-plumping hyaluronic acid. It’s impressive stuff. Spa treatments also incorporate hot, mineral-rich spring water. Scrubbed with grape oil, brown sugar, finely milled grape seeds, honey and essential oils, followed by a spring water shower and superb massage, the remains of a dodgy London week are swooshed away.

If you’re looking to lose a few pounds, there’s too much temptation at Les Sources. But ‘drink, eat, spa, repeat’ was wonderfully restoring and I rolled home happy and healthy. I didn’t think of my to-do list once.

Rose was a guest of Les Sources de Caudalie; rooms from £280 (sources-caudalie.com)

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