Lady of the manners

Dear Hettie

I rather think you're underestimating your family here. These, after all, are people so well trained that they can sit through the entire Royal Variety Show without trying to pull their own ears off, and then go backstage and manage to look delighted while shaking hands with the performers. They are well-versed in the art of the smallest of small talk, can maintain rictus grins for two whole weeks (cf overseas tours), and retain their composure whether opening leisure centres, planting trees or admiring a particularly fine bit of welding. I hardly think an afternoon with a few well-lubricated rugby players is going to knock them off-kilter. And whilst it would no doubt be fun for some to see granny whisked onto the dancefloor by a forward forward, I have no concerns for her in that regard - one frosty look will stop him dead in his tracks. As for grandpa - the opportunity to fling un-PC quips around (insert your own French/Irish/hooker joke here), safe in the knowledge that noone will remember them tomorrow, is one he's probably been looking forward to for months

*Zara Phillips's quandary as imagined by ES