Laura Craik on the perils of modern dressing, political pop stars and a crisis in contactless

“It used to be jolly, looking at all the pretty dresses, but now they’re too loaded with meanings no one asked for, or even fully understands”
Rex Features
Laura Craik1 March 2018

Having hosted Johnny Depp, Rihanna and various X Factor contestants over the years, the Corinthia Hotel’s roof terrace has no doubt played host to many escapades in its time, if never in broad daylight.

The latest concerns Jennifer Lawrence, who was captured in a plunging Versace dress as she outrageously… nope. There’s nothing more to add. Actress Stands On Roof Terrace And Has Her Photo Taken. That’s all.

Only it’s not all, because in 2018 you can’t wear a plunging Versace dress without being a bad feminist controlled by the evil patriarchy. It being February and freezing, the internet duly lost its s*** because J-Law’s male co-stars were all cosied up in winter coats and jumpers. J-Law being J-Law, she refused to take this lying down. ‘This is sexist, this is ridiculous, this is not feminism,’ she wrote on her Facebook page. ‘Over-reacting about everything someone says or does is not moving us forward. It’s creating silly distractions from real issues.’

Blanca Blanco at the Golden Globe Awards (Getty Images for Moet & Chandon)
Getty Images for Moet & Chandon

We’re in the thick of awards season — the Oscars are on Sunday — and I can’t wait for it all to end. It used to be jolly, looking at all the pretty dresses, but now they’re too loaded with meanings no one asked for, or even fully understands.

Whether it’s the Duchess of Cambridge being criticised for shunning black in favour of dark green at the Baftas, or actress Blanca Blanco being trolled for showing too much flesh in a red gown at the Golden Globes, criticising women for how they choose to present themselves is a futile, introspective pastime that does nothing to help the bigger cause. Isn’t freedom of choice one of the central tenets of feminism? As J-Law noted: ‘I wore a beautiful dress that made me feel gorgeous. Nobody told me I couldn’t wear a coat. I was outside for five minutes, and if I choose to be cold, I choose to be cold.’

Rihanna at her Fenty Beauty launch party
Rex Features

Me, I choose to be cosy. If I were an actress, I would totally have turned up for that photocall in a roll-neck jumper and a massive coat. But the photos wouldn’t have had much impact. The studio wouldn’t have been best pleased. ‘Actress Oozes Sex Appeal In Navy Polo Neck’ is a headline never destined to make the front page. Sure, J-Law knows the rules and sticks to them, but it’s the rules that suck, not the individual. As that famous feminist Ice-T once said: Don’t hate the playa — hate the game.

Agitpop stars

Does anyone else find it disconcerting when pop stars open their mouths to reveal polite little platitudes delivered in perfect cut-glass accents? ‘Yah, sooo amaaaazing. Aihm sooo thrilled and happy,’ they trill, media-trained to the nth degree by the International School of Cowell. Okay, so Damon Albarn was pissed out of his tree at the Brits, but he meant well with his anti-Brexit speech, even if it was delivered in a slur to rival Shane MacGowan’s. Music doesn’t have to be political, but when it is, it’s spine-tinglingly powerful — witness the magnificent Stormzy asking ‘where’s the justice for Grenfell?’ during his Brits performance. Be more Stormzy, pop stars. Or at least be less corporate and bland.

Gorillaz - Damon Albarn
Rex Features

A touch of cash

Any London cab driver, tradesman or dealer will tell you that cash is king, but you don’t necessarily expect to hear such prosaic views from the chief cashier for the Bank of England, who recently admitted that she doesn’t use contactless cards because she doesn’t fully trust them, thus confirming suspicions many of us already have.

Alamy Stock Photo

Aside from the fact that anything that quick and easy is bound to be flawed, my real issue with contactless is the disconnect it encourages between what you spend and what you can afford. Feeling skint? Withdraw a wodge of money and try to make it last. Contactless is the ultimate enabler.

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