An A-Z guide to life for the modern woman: from anxiety to Zayn Malik

Entirely rational response to a world where you are paid less, respected less, under-represented politically, and where you are constantly set unrealistic goals for your body shape, career, lifestyle etc.

As in politician turned unlikely dance hero Ed. Is it ok to fancy him?.

We’re not over it yet.

His daughter Ivanka is our last hope.

The Victoria’s Secret show this month will trigger more discussion — exhausting.

Something the entertainment industry believes ends at around 28 for a woman, according to Amy Schumer. Or 50 if she is Veep/Seinfeld star Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Still as thick as ever. Just ask Hillary Clinton.

Rage caused by bikini diets, pre-Christmas party dress diets, post-Christmas shed-the-weight diets, etc.

To be permanently selfie-ready, with ironed hair, impeccable make-up, no stray bits of spinach between your teeth, skirt not tucked into your pants etc.

What women are supposed to do with family, career, etc. Not to be confused with jogging or jiggling, which women are also supposed to do.

To be totally fine with the fact that you have an arse the size of a zeppelin.

Patronising male term for “girly” drinks — rosé, Cosmopolitans, etc.

All work involves this, even if you are Theresa May. In fact, you could almost say it’s mandatory. See also manspreading, manslamming, manterrupting, etc.

What women work for from November 9 until January 1, due to the gender pay gap.

The female one is a mysterious and rarely encountered thing, possibly invented by J K Rowling, according to most blokes. The male one, by contrast, is fairly common and can be conjured up relatively easily, ie by watching Holly Willoughby on morning TV while hungover.

As in cake porn, steak porn, property porn.

What you should have ordered for lunch instead of a Gregg’s sausage roll and a grab-bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

After that third martini/fourth After Eight/Gregg’s sausage roll/Christmas party snog with Barry from accounts.

Contains your entire life: gets lost in your handbag once a week.

Modern ailment caused by obsessive swiping.

Life is too short for teeny tiny pants.

Something that almost always bars you from senior management posts, apparently.

Essential after-hours post-mortem on the working day.

Weekdays are booze time, Saturday is made for bingeing on Honey G.

And it’s only November

You know it’s wrong but you just can’t help it.

Follow Nick Curtis on Twitter: @nickcurtis