Sharenting: The defining moment I learned a new word this week and then immediately wished I hadn’t

Instamum: Anna Whitehouse, aka Mother Pukka, pictured with her daughter Mae. The pair have 53.4k followers on Instagram
Adrian Lourie
Tim Cooper18 November 2016

How do you feel when friends post pictures of their children on social media? Do you sigh and emit a gooey sort of “Aaaaah” sound (something we might define as Empathy) or do you groan and emit a phlegm sort of “Uuuurgh” sound (more like Embarrassment) before quickly scrolling on to something more interesting? I only ask because this week I learned a new word – “sharenting” – and found that not only does it actually exist, but it has crossed the chasm between the Urban Dictionary and the Collins Dictionary, where it now resides alongside Jomo (a baby brother for Fomo), Trumpism and Snowflake Generation.

It seemed topical because at the same time I discovered that several of my friends, not all of whom are middle-aged buffers who rely on the Daily Telegraph and Radio 4 for information on the latest youth crazes, had never heard the phrase “Netflix and chill.” I’m sure you have, what with it having been coined a whopping seven years ago which, in internet terms, is like the dog-years equivalent of a century. More amusingly yet, my friend Simon recklessly tried to drop it into a casual conversation with some Young People at his work (a radio station), having ever-so-slightly misread it, doubtless in the aforementioned Telegraph.

As a result, Simon quipped that he was proposing to spend an evening devoted to “Netflix and chilli”. Which, while being an accurate description of his plans to watch a box set while scoffing Tex-Mex comfort food, resulted in an embarrassed silence followed immediately by good-natured mockery from his younger colleagues. And a great deal of confusion for Simon himself, subsequently echoed by some of our mutual friends on Facebook, who did not understand what was so funny. So they did that really annoying Older Person thing of asking publicly why it was funny, followed by asking what “Netflix and chill” meant in its correct usage. And I did that annoying Knowall thing of telling them about this new website called Google that they could use on a cutting-edge platform called The Internet in order to answer their question.

But back to sharenting, because I was watching Channel 5 News the other day (there’s a sentence you don’t read very often) and there was a brief discussion about sharenting between two women with very differing views on the subject. In one corner (I’m too traumatised by the US election to use Blue and Red any more) was an ebullient mother called Leti whose hobby is posting pictures of her children online – aka sharenting. In the other was a less ebullient woman called Vicki who felt that Leti should have asked her small children for permission to post their pictures online, rather than invading their privacy. The male newsreader, whose name I’m afraid I didn’t catch, took the neutral refereeing position as he gently tried to coax them into expressing oppositional views. The point of their appearance, apparently, was that a recent survey (as usual, the news didn’t say who conducted it, who responded to it, who paid for it, or what it was actually for) concluded that more than seven out of every ten of us think parents share too much about their children on social media. Apparently the average child has had 1,500 pictures posted online by the time it is five years old: a figure I would find shocking if I believed it.

Leti wanted us to know about her blog ‘The Inside Edit’ which she said she had started in order to “inspire parents to just have fun with parenting, and to enjoy it.” Having looked at it, I suspect it may also be because she feels an overwhelming compulsion to post endless photos of herself online, with or without her children. Nonetheless, I’m all for inspiring people to enjoy parenthood, having had plenty of fun parenting my own children, even though I suspect a blog focusing on the less enjoyable parts – screaming babies, sleepless nights, temper tantrums, projectile vomiting and the like – might be more useful, but who am I to deny Leti her inalienable right to post lovely pictures of herself and her charming children for all to enjoy?

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She said she took her inspiration from “other Instamums and Instadads,” instantly making me cringe and, I’m afraid, take against her, despite her huge beaming smile and ineffable jolliness because, although I love a neologism as much as the next neologist, there are times when I prefer plain English. Vicki was inevitably cast as a bit of a spoilsport next to her, wondering how those charming children will feel about “their huge digital footprint being created without their permission” when they grow into parent-hating teenagers. She did at least accept that “you can’t get properly informed consent from a five-year-old” but continued to worry about what they would think when they grew up, something I think I can sum up in a mental picture of a teenager being shown Leti’s blog archive and rolling his or her eyes while whining “Muuuuuuum...”

Although Vicki founded The Parent Zone, which campaigns for children’s safety in the digital world, I couldn’t help thinking she might have missed the bit about parents being responsible for their children until they grow up, but I admired her defence of their embryonic human rights, even if there won’t be a European Court in which to test them under the full weight of the law by the time they reach a majority. They may just have to make do with Leti’s endless posts, just as we had to pose and grin and squint into the sun for our mums and dads and aunties and uncles and goodness only knows who else when we were small, without anyone ever asking permission. Leti pretty much agreed with that, arguing that “social media is our new reality.” It certainly was for David, the American kid whose dad (“booba1234”) posted a clip on YouTube of him coming round woozily after a dental procedure.

Vicki thought it was a good example of why we shouldn’t exploit our children like this but the newsreader spoke for us all when he interjected: “It was funny though!” Which it is, and 134 million views suggests other people think so too. Whether David will see the funny side when he grows up is something we will just have to wait and see. At this rate he’ll probably grow up to be President.

DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF THE NEW WORDS IN THE COLLINS DICTIONARY?

1.    Jomo
a)    A layabout who wears pyjamas all day
b)    A tropical Latin American fruit
c)    The joy of missing out 

2.    Sharenting 
a)    Living at home with your parents as an adult
b)    Using social media to share news or images of one’s child(ren)
c)    Confiding in your parents

3. Snowflake Generation
a)    People with winter birthdays
b)    Pale-skinned babies with albino characteristics
c)    Sensitive young adults in the 2010s

4.    Trumpism  
a)    The policies advocated by Donald Trump
b)    Outrageous comments made by anyone with a comb-over
c)    Excessive flatulence 

Answers: 1 (c), 2 (b), 3 (c), 4 (a) (or b or c)

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