Bunfight at the OK Corral in leaders’ final Commons duel

10 April 2012
WEST END FINAL

Get our award-winning daily news email featuring exclusive stories, opinion and expert analysis

I would like to be emailed about offers, event and updates from Evening Standard. Read our privacy notice.

It was the OK Corral, the duel at dawn, cage fighting without the rules: glorious, horrible, ill-disciplined scrap.

Two men who have never been able to stand the sight of each other stood face to face at the last Prime Minister's Questions before the voters get stuck into them.

Amy Winehouse thinks love is a losing game. Politics is even more brutal to the defeated.
Messrs Brown and Cameron finally had something in common today: both know that if they lose on May 6, they will be discarded by the parties they lead.

The Prime Minister appeared, a grey creature, reading the ritual condolences to the latest casualties in Afghanistan and looking, as always, tired and ready for a rumble.

The Whips had lined up an economic question for Mr Brown. His replies thundered forth like angry cannonfire.

Mr Cameron's amiable baritone was light and alluring in contrast, as smooth as warm Baileys.
Still, he hit Mr Brown hard in the Afghan vitals. Did he send men to war unprepared? The PM blamed the commanding officers for telling him they could manage. Gordon is never short of a someone else to blame.

"Why can't he just admit something everyone knows, we don't have enough helicopters " harried Mr Cameron, who has come over very military as he prepares for his next job. Mr Brown does not like this kind of challenge and replied with a long MoD style list and impenetrable statistics about flying time.

"No answer," rapped the Tory leader. True enough. Oh dear. This was now a ground war.

"It's him that has never given an answer," shouted Mr Brown, ungrammatically. Mr Brown was so angry his counter-attack came out as an uncommonly nervous blather.

The hostility between the two front benches was rank. George Osborne stared at his old Treasury foe, pale-faced and murderous.

But Mr Cameron had his teeth in the Prime Minister's sleeve and wasn't letting up. "People are starting to rumble the Prime Minister and it serves him right."

We were heading for a final row about whether business leaders were fools or prophets for opposing Labour's National Insurance rise.

Had they been "deceived" as Lord Mandelson claimed in a moment of Mandy madness? One of Mr Cameron's favourite City pin ups was cited.

"A Tory " shrieked some Labour hellcat. "He's probably a Tory now, so's half the country" rallied Mr Cameron. Though he well knows, it's the other half that is his problem.

Dave inspires mixed feelings when he gets going. There's just a bit too much self-righteousness. But he does give good bluster.

"The House must calm down," intervened Speaker Bercow. Some hope.

Nick Clegg accused Gordon of blocking reform. Alas the question got lost somewhere in the invective, "You've failed, it's over, it's time to go!" he cried hoarsely.

The PM couldn't unearth the question either, so defaulted to shouting "Lord Ashcroft!" Dodo, Mad Hatter anyone?

There was just time for one last low blow.
"To think he was the future once," Mr Brown chided the Conservative leader — the bon mot Mr Cameron had hurled at Mr Blair across the chamber, on his first Commons outing as leader.
Dave blushed in acknowledgement at a well played rival shot.

But it's not who was the future once that matters now. It's who will be the future after May 6. That's why they care so much — and why it hurts.

Create a FREE account to continue reading

eros

Registration is a free and easy way to support our journalism.

Join our community where you can: comment on stories; sign up to newsletters; enter competitions and access content on our app.

Your email address

Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number

You must be at least 18 years old to create an account

* Required fields

Already have an account? SIGN IN

By clicking Create Account you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use , Cookie policy and Privacy policy .

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in