Housemates predict the future

11 April 2012
The Weekender

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Big Brother housemates cast an eye to the future as they were asked to write a book on what will happen to them after they leave.

The Future Autobiography task required the super six to detail their hopes and aspirations for the next 10 years.

Aisleyne's tale revolved around money, child-bearing and love on a desert island.

She wrote: "By 2010 we had little children things. He dealt with those and I went to work. But he was rubbish.

"It p***ed me off so I dumped him and got a new man. It was time for him to go.

"I met a new bloke on the mystery island. I had a bit of money and he thought 'she's getting on and she's got kids but I'm poor. I'll marry her'. And I lived happily ever after. Until my money ran out then he p***ed off."

Glyn's devotion to Wales shone through in his future life story as he taught the Welsh language, joined Plaid Cymru and became Prime Minister.

His first task would be to make it "illegal to buy holiday homes in Welsh-speaking towns". And he would storm the palace to tell Prince Charles he was no longer Prince of Wales.

Party animal Jennie had less lofty ambitions as she predicted a move Down Under.

After emigrating to Australia to become a personal trainer she planned on "partying away the rest of my life".

She also learned to surf and met the man of her dreams.

"Big Brother opened my eyes and I realised I could do anything," she said.

Nikki said her first big achievement on leaving the house was when she invented her own clothes lines for "miniscules".

Andrew Lloyd Webber was commissioned to write a new musical, Peter Pan, in which she would star because she too "never grew up and lived in Neverland".

She later opened a florist and got a Chihuahua and called it Tiny.

Nikki concluded: "I can only guess I will be just as scatty and incompetent as I am now, but with the man of my dreams who can keep me in line."

A surreal future lay in store for Pete who wrote: "When I left the Big Brother House I went and sat on my ass and did nothing.

"I stuffed my face with spam and shaved my right testicle whilst making love to a Wellington boot.

"I changed my name to Deirdre and bought a prosthetic head, married an armband and lived in my lower intestine. There I became a great and powerful leader and all turds wobbled at my cheesy finger."

Home is where the heart is for Richard who said he would find his way back to Canada to build a home in the mountains.

"Time slowed down and the door was always open to strangers," he said. "I even managed to fall in love, but that's another story."

Richard explained he was a good family boy at heart and that "a cowboy always travels far, but always returns to the place he is from".

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